No date but between January 2021 and August 2022
I’m tired of being the bad guy, I’m tired of being hateful, I’m tired of yelling, getting angry, breaking things, I’m tired of crying. I’ve tried reading, playing music, listening to music, gardening, watching TV, running, exercise yet nothing seems to help, I want to let go but I think if I do I’m giving in to the “fact” that I’m replaceable, unlovable, stupid, ugly, not worth it, like I don’t matter. I want to destroy my nody, my mind, my surroundings, I want the world to crumble as I’ve crumbled. I want flames to burn the most beautiful plains, forests and landscapes, I want all the riverbeds to dry up, all the ocean to boil, I want it to be because of me, because how I feel isn’t because of me. According to Andrew, there isn’t anything I could have done better, or more or less to have changed what he did. So then why? Why is the pain the only thing that’s there anymore, there was peace, love, beauty, life; always so alone.
