Monday February 10th 2020 13:14
Soaking up some sun and withstanding an audible breeze that moves the trees. Andrew is no longer working here in SNP all because of me. He loves me now . He really does, but I’m in the midst of experiencing something new entirely, even though I’m not ready, it’s preparing me to self care by lack thereof, yesterday I bought new paints, I’ll start doing more of that too hopefully, violin, outdoors, being one with all, loving everyone, i tried shrooms and actually felt it. It was like being high for the first time, I kept giggling at the beauty, I cried at my pain and couldn’t stop, so Will seen me cry, our thing is based on acceptance, I think. I accept him, he accepts me, it feels right until I think about it, obviously in more ways than one it is wrong but it’s my path and my choices and this is what I need. Gawrsh, I truly love the park, I am so very grateful Andrew took the fall for me. I don’t know how this could turn out, but that’s me, day by day. And these days have been so bright (ish), I need to work on my person, who I am, not what others see of me, or want of me, just me. But I always want to be alone then , no job, no care at all.
