Sunday August 28th 2019 10:53pm
I didn’t really want to write out the things that depress me in here, but I can’t help it. How else can I let it out? Crying isn’t enough. Nothing helps. I think I need serious professional help, but whatcan they say & do I haven’t already, I think about killing myself, knives, OD, suffocation, starvation, practical ways, but truth is, it’s just I can’t live the way I am, putting myself down, accepting things that aren’t for me, that make me feel worthless, feeling like my life means nothing, nothing I do or say or am matters, I can say it’s because of Andrew, but no it’s me, I let this happen. I let myself fall, I let myself get hurt, I let myself down, I let myself die. I lied to myself. I betrayed myself. I wasted my time, I ruined my life. I didn’t love myself. I didn’t choose me. I can’t forgive myself. What can I do? I just keep tumbling down, remembering what I’ve forgotten, being alive hurts so much.
