Dec 13th 7:14
Yet again I wake up crying remembering the things he’s said like having sex with other people is fun and he’d be her boyfriend in a heartbeat. How do I move on? Do I just let go of him and try to live a life without him? We were going to put an offer on a house, we did actually a backup offer. If he wants to be with other people why dies he do this to me? Why does he make me believe that he loves me but the moment, it’s convenient for him he moves on? Why do I do this to myself? He’s said it himself I should be far away from him and not look back. But that’s why I cheat too I guess. But they don’t save me, they don’t love me, they don’t care. I don’t want sex I want love I want to be seen. I want to not take ketamine or antidepressants or antipsychotics or need intensive therapy. What I’ve felt with Kai makes me believe that it is possible, not with him, but in general, I’ve felt things I haven’t in over 10 years
The passion I had with Xavier, it’s not just sex, sex is not just an act it’s a feeling. A feeling I NEVER got with Andrew.
