Jan. 4th, 2024 10:08AM
I am in a mess of emotions, feelings, thoughts, behavior, actions. So much has happened since my last entry. So god damn much. I’m living alone, for the 1st time, if SNP doesn’t count. Andrew & I stopped talking for 2 weeks and he met someone and fucked her 3x while they were seeing each other, he said he cried everytime they met and parted thinking of me, how fucked up is that? He told me he ran into her at the store the day before we went to the movies and he said SHE asked for his number but really he said “I guess this is where we exchange numbers” i fucking KNEW he would do something like this AGAIN, I’m only crying about it for the 2nd or 3rd time honestly, I haven’t been able to feel the actual depth of the hurt and disappointment, so much time wasted on him, completely wasted, I didn’t get anything out of it, I came out with no self esteem, no self worth, no self love, no self care, no improvement or betterment either mentally, physically or emotionally or spiritually, all of that has actually regressed to primal instincts, but even that is more than where I am. I had a 3some, not as good as I hoped it to be, the 2nd guy was weird and was hardly involved. I hardly eat anymore, one meal if I’m lucky, I feel nauseous other times, after eating too, thinking ’bout Andrew. I weighed 98lbs yesterday
